you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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