Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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