you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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