i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
