just come out here and I will go home with you...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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