Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
