I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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