I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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