They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
