: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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