he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
