Already got asked if we're dating
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
