Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
