she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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