just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
