ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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