The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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