and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
