Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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