My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
