Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
