He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
