Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
