Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
