i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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