and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
