guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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