It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
