Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
