My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
