You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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