It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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