When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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