I wannas sexs uuuuu
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
4 words: hood of his car
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
