I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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