she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
