God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
