Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
