there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
