before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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