He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
