Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
