3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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