a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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