And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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