I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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