everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
