He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
