he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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