I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he told me I talked like a deaf person
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
