I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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