I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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