forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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