so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
