it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
